The Reunion

The school reunion is after 3 days and it is going the other way I thought about at all I was going to there alone on a chance to meet people there but last night I found someone calling me to invite me to go with them actualy they were they last people I wondered even to see them there the people who used to give me the hard time in school I offcourse couldn't refuse this invitation I hope just that it will go well
Actualy I'm afraid from not being ok by they time of the reunion because it will be they last day of the exams and I don't sleep well I just sleep for 2 hours a day and that's it and the hallucination effects began last night and probable I won't sleep well before the party so the hallucination will continue and the most fear is that we go for a drink before the party so I will totaly mess up in the party

Conflicting Orders

I don't feel what is going on with th world or anything outside my room I'm stuck in studying and have no time to do anything but exams and studying and not sleeping I sleep or 2 hours a day and my mind giving conflicting orders like when if I want to drink i go to the bathroom to pee and I'm don't know what I say or do and i'm thinking about alot of things that needs to be written down before I forget them but sure it flies away I hope the internet gets fixed soon at home so I can just write my condflicting and contradicting thoughts when they come i hope they come back again soon

A Memory in a memory

I remember once when I was in England and slept at the house of a friend. The most thing I remember was the morning it was my first time to sleep a total night beside someone in the same bed feeling her body feeling her breathing . Back to the morning and forget about the night sitting in the bed looking through the door beside me seeing her getting out from the shower and telling me good morning I don't recall that I ever walked up in the morning and found someone to tell me good morning I just wake up and after that she asked me would I like to have breakfast ohh my god I will have a breakfast a real one I didn't thought about it ever. I always just walk up on coffee and cigarettes this is my breakfast. I even didn't answer I nodded my head that is all what I have done. I began to realize everything. I thought I was in heaven or something or all what I was living in was just a dream but I began to realize I'm not at home I'm not in my country I'm in someones bed I panicked for a moment but it was a sweet panic. I walked up went to have a shower then got down to the kitchen . It is so nice to have some help in the kitchen really special if it is a sweet help . She almost done everything we sat at her small table drinking tea and having a sandwich. I even can't remember what was it but she was a vegetarian so I was sure there is no pork in it. At the first words of the conversation did you enjoy last night I didn't answer I just nodded my head yes with a smile . She smiled back then she asked again are you happy then. It was my first words in the day yes sure I'm happy I have never been happier than today. I know and she knows that this is a practical lie we both know that it is just a degree of happiness but not the happiest moment ever. Actually I was sad I wasn't happy . I was sad because I wished that this moment was a true moment with somebody I love having breakfast together sweet morning talk just looking to each other enjoying the coffee but that person I love don't love me she finds me irritating and different and we were miles away in distance and in connection she never asked how am I doing if I'm alive or died she didn't care at all. I remember at the beginning we knew each other that she used to hate careless people and I was afraid that I may be one. At that time I didn't know if I'm a careless person or I care about people. Sometimes I don't know if I'm careless or not .Anyhow back to the scene of having the breakfast we then continued having breakfast and talking it was a Sunday morning and a sunny one so after breakfast we went for a walk in the footpath till we reached the river and kept walking till the city center and all that time we were talking. We almost talked about everything even about our families where do I live and how the difference between my life there and here. And she told me about here trips all around the world the countries she visited and her life in London and why she left there and turned to Durham as a small city. We reached the city center there was this small old fountain that doesn't work all the young people sit there and some musicians play on this area as it is the busiest area in the city we sat till lunch time. We had fish and chips it was my first time to have fish and chips I liked it so much. She told me about the vinegar secret. And it was the time to go each one have to go back to where we belong she have to return to here home and I have too. I always thought that goodbyes are easy and not a big deal . But at that time I realized it is not I remember seeing her tears in her eyes and I told her don't do it we will meet again in this life or in another so don't worry about that with a smile she smiled back we had a big hug and a goodbye kiss she left and I left. We sure never met but we talked on the phone she asked to meet again even for once before I travel but I just couldn't meet her. And it was the end of a sweet memory I hope I would see her again in one day somehow.

critical time

It is a critical time for me now i have exams in 11 days i know nothing about it so it is time to say to movies goodbye and to music see you soon body and to books I'll be back and try to concentrate on my books of auditing and managerial accounting and international economic and other stuff i don't really like but I'm stuck to it and i have no way out from it i will take these 10 days off from my normal routine life i will go stay with my friend and making this study camp i hope it will work and i hope i may do it this year