A feast of friends

I'm sick of doubt
Live in the light of certain
South
Cruel bindings.
The servants have the power
Dog-men and their mean women
Pulling poor blankets over
Our sailors
I'm sick of dour faces
Staring at me from the TV
Tower, I want roses in
My garden bower; dig?
Royal babies, rubies
Must now replace aborted
Strangers in the mud
These mutants, blood-meal
For the plant that's plowed.

They are waiting to take us into
The severed garden
Do you know how pale and wanton thrillful
Comes death on a strange hour
Unannounced, unplanned for
Like a scaring over-friendly guest you've
Brought to bed
Death makes angels of us all
And gives us wings
Where we had shoulders
Smooth as raven's
Claws
No more money, no more fancy dress
This other kingdom seems by far the best
Until it's other jaw reveals incest
And loose obedience to a vegetable law.
I will not go
Prefer a feast of friends
To the giant family.

A Vava Inouva

I just remembered now by hearing this song my first time to understand who are Amzighies (berber people). Well it is a song by Idir one of the best musicians from the amazighies well I wasn't surprised that I found that he and Souad Massi both have kabylie (one of the berbers tribes) descent. I'll go and sit under the moon and enjoy the guitar and the song and try to understand what they are saying I may get something out of it.

here is the translation of the song in arabic
هي : أرجوك يا أبي "إينوفا" .. إفتح لي الباب
هو : آه يا إبنتي "غريبا" .. دعي أساورك ترجّ
هي : أخشى من وحش الغابة يا أبي إينوفا
هو : آهٍ يا إبنتي " غريبا " .. وأنا أيضاً أخشاه

هو :
الشيّخ متلفّع في بُرْنُسِهِ
منعزلاً .. يتدفّأ
وابنه المهموم بلقمة العيش
يعيد في ذاكرته صباحات الأمس
والعجوز ناسجة خلف مندالها
دون توقّف .. تحيك الخيطان
والأطفال حولها
يتلقنون ذكريات أيام زمان

هي : أرجوك يا أبي "إينوفا" .. إفتح لي الباب
هو : آه يا إبنتي "غريبا" .. دعي أساورك ترجّ
هي : أخشى من وحش الغابة يا أبي إينوفا
هو : آهٍ يا إبنتي " غريبا " .. وأنا أيضاً أخشاه

هو :
الثلج رابض خلف الباب
و " الإيحلولين " يسخن في القِدْرِ
والأعيان تحلم منذ الآن بالربيع المقبل
و القمر .. و النجوم .. مازالوا مختفون
و حَطَبة البلّوط تحلّ محلّ حصيرة الصفصاف
العائلة مجتمعة
تستمع بشغف لحكايا زمان

هي : أرجوك يا أبي "إينوفا" .. إفتح لي الباب
هو : آه يا إبنتي "غريبا" .. دعي أساورك ترجّ
هي : أخشى من وحش الغابة يا أبي إينوفا
هو : آهٍ يا إبنتي " غريبا " .. وأنا أيضاً أخشاه

the original lyrics

Tsxilek lliyin tabburt,
A vava inouva, A vava inouva
Tchcen Tchcen tizzebgatin im, A yelli Ghriba

Uggadegh lwahch lghaba
A vava inouva
Uggadegh ula d'nekkini ,A yelli Ghriba

Amghar yetstsel degur bernus
Di tesga la yezzizzin
Mmis yetshabbir i lqut
Ussan degw qerrus tezzin (bis)

Tislit deffir uzzetta
Tessalay tijebeddin
Arrach zzind i temghart
As n tesgher tiqdimin

Tsxilek lliyin tabburt,
A vava inouva, A vava inouva
Tchcen Tchcen tizzebgatin im, A yelli Ghriba

Uggadegh lwahch lghaba
A vava inouva
Uggadegh ula d'nekkini ,A yelli Ghriba

Adfel yessud tibbura
Tuggi kecments ihlulen
Tajmaat tetsargu tafsut
Aggur d'yitran hegben (bis)
Ma d'aqegmur n tasaft
Idegger akkin idenyen
Mmlalend akw at wexxam
It machahuts ad sslen

Tsxilek lliyin tabburt,
A vava inouva, A vava inouva
Tchcen Tchcen tizzebgatin im, A yelli Ghriba

Uggadegh lwahch lghaba
A vava inouva
Uggadegh ula d'nekkini ,A yelli Ghriba

Standing Next to me

farewell my friend

losing my religion that's one of the things we share
farewell my friend my dear friend




Life is bigger
Its bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no Ive said too much
I set it up
Thats me in the corner
Thats me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I dont know if I can do it
Oh no Ive said too much
I havent said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
Every whisper
Of every waking hour im
Choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool
Oh no Ive said too much
I set it up
Consider this
The hint of the century
Consider this
The slip that brought me
To my knees failed
What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around
Now Ive said too much
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
But that was just a dream
That was just a dream

Like these Saturdays'

Getting ready at 9 p.m for a nice saturday night. I remember saturdays since schools they were horrible day to me walking up at 10 in the morning have to study and then study then go to sleep early to school the other day and the end of the weekend I think no one liked to have the weekend to end actually . In England it is different because it means another day of a party meeting new people and tomorrow I have nothing to care about it is a day off with no obligation to do. I get ready then hit the road walks to the city center it was like 5 minuets walking I pass by the old bridge and I'm officially in the party zone in a very small area you would find pubs for every kind of party you want to have if it is a modern music, oldies even jazz you will find it in there I remember I had to go first to Walkabout it was the first recommendation for party from my friend so it was like a routine for me friday nights mad nights in there so I spend all the night in there on friday but on saturday it is different sometimes there is some kind of DJ live performance. I still wonder why on earth they leave the sport screen open at party time and even it is more weird that you may find someone watching it (most of them are heavily drunk and can't see anything actually they are just gazing in the roof) Most of my friendships in there happened in that australian pub so still it is a place I love. After getting out of there I have to have a look to the studio and bar 21 and the loft if I found someone I know we just jump from one pub to another till 12 in the morning then we mostly go to the Love Shack were the party reach the peak at that time and it is the only club that stays up till the morning. It is 5 in the morning now and almost everybody is going back home and the club is closing down we finish the party starving so we go to aboda or the persian kebab shop and my friends used to look to me strange looks like what the hell are you saying when I used to talk to the guys in aboda in arabic. I just go back home get to bed and it is officially sunday. But I can't sleep all day so I walk up at 10 in the morning wash my cloths and tidy my things up clean up the house and go to the market place at noon so I don't miss anything in the market on sunday there is some kind of a big market in the city center and in the old market place I just go around looking up the things and most of the times there is live bands playing in the market (first time to hear Native american music live in there) till it reach 2 p.m I go to Greggs have my usual order of two sausage roll and the jam donuts and the cup of tea and go to the my usual place by the river eat my lunch listening to the violin girl that never miss a day she is always standing there playing on her violin so good. I finish up my lunch go back to see if I need anything to buy before the shops close down and then return back home cook a good big dinner celebrating the end of the weekend and go to sleep early because I have to walkup early next day for new week.

                               

Death of a clown

My makeup is dry and it clags on my chin
I'm drowning my sorrows in whisky and gin
The lion tamers whip doesn't crack anymore
The lions they wont fight and the tigers wont roar

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
So lets all drink to the death of a clown
Won't someone help me to break up this crown
Lets all drink to the death of a clown
Lets all drink to the death of a clown

The old fortune teller lies dead on the floor
Nobody needs fortunes told anymore
The trainer of insects is crouched on his knees
And frantically looking for runaway fleas

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Lets all drink to the death of a clown
So wont someone help me to break up this crown
Lets all drink to the death of a clown
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Lets all drink to the death of a clown
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

Crime and Punishment

All people seem to be divided into "ordinary" and "extraordinary". The ordinary people must lead a life of strict obedience and have no right to transgress the law because they are ordinary. Whereas the extraordinary people have the right to commit any crime they like and transgress the law in any way just because they happen to be extraordinary.

By Dostoevsky

حاجات مستخبيه

الحقيقه هي الأخلاص مع النفس أولا

البحر أخر ملاذ من حمريه الناس

الحريه هي أن تكون عبد للحقيقة

الحب هو العطاء أنا احبك فأنا المدين أليك بكل شئ

أجد نفسي

مش عارف اوصف الحاله الي انا فيها هل هي سعاده أنبهار ولا نشوه لكن مأكد انا مش حزين هذه الحاله هي الحاله لما بشوف حاجه حلوه جميله صفيه منغير شوائب .ممكن اكون اتجننت لكن من امتى وانا مش مجنون دايما بحول اوصل لأشياء خياليه وهميه دائما اريد ان اصل لقمت الجبل لأعمق البحار دائما اجري وراء السراب و الوهم معتقدا اني ممكن أصل لشئ . لشئ لم يصل اليه احد من قبل ليس ليقال اني اكتشفته لكن لأرضاء روحي و عقلي الهائجان كالبحر  . في هذة الرحله الطويله لا أجد أحد في النهاية ينتظرني أو معي

لا لكنني دائما أجد شئ

 شئ أجمل من الملائكه

 شئ أقبح من الشيطان

. أجد نفسي  

2al strike 2al

walahy ana mabsout mean modo3 el2drab dah 3elman 2ny modreb betb3ty 3ashan ana mabshtghalsh wa mabnzelsh elkolya wa mabshtrish 7aga bas bardo shayef 2no modo3 fashel wa malosh lazma wala 7y2dem wala 7y2kher bas ana mabsout bardo ana 3omry mal2et elbalad keda fadya wa ray2a wa elwa7ed ya3raf yatmasha wa yaro7 wa yagy mangher za7ma ya3ni ember7 kont ray7 meshwar wa 23edt felshar3 modet sa3aten fi ma7teten teram mean elza7ma elnahrda fi nafs elwa2t meshet fi nafs elshar3 makhtish de2ten. mazher el2drab gamila elma7lat badal mabetl3 bed3tha kolha 3ala elrasef wa sayben elma7l fady elkalam dah mab2ash mogod elnas 3arfa temshy 3ala elrasef wa ta3dy elshar3 mangher 7arkat bahlwnya 3ashan tefady el3arbyat wa 7ata elmoror mashy zay maby2ol elketab mafish 7ad yarmy 3alek mangher 2y sabab gher 2no shayef 2nk mesh 3agbo wa west elbalad ely hya az7am 7eta fi elbalad toul elwa2t fadya. elmohem ana a7eb 2a2ol ya ret tedrebo kol youm 3ashan elbalad teb2a fadya wa gamila keda 3ala toul wa yaslam low wezrt eldakhlya ta3ml youm keda kol esbo3 lel2drab 3ashan elnas ta7es belnezam wa gamal elbalad wa elahm mean keda 2n mafish wala mozhrat wala nas mashya betkser felshar3 wala 7ad by3ly soto 7ata. she2 gamil

With A Little Help From My Friends (If I have one)

What would do think if I sang out of tune,
Would you stand up and walk out on me.
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song,
And I'll try not to sing out of key.
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends,
He gets high with a little help from his friends,
Oh I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends. 

What do I do when my love is away.
(Does it worry you to be alone)
How do I feel by the end of the day
(Are you sad because you're on your own)
No, I get by with a little help from my friends,
Mmm I get high with a little help from my friends,
Mmm I'm gonna to try with a little help from my friends

Do you need anybody?
I need somebody to love.
Could it be anybody?
I want somebody to love.

Would you believe in a love at first sight?
Yes I'm certain that it happens all the time.
What do you see when you turn out the light?
I can't tell you, but I know it's mine.
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends,
Mmm I get high with a little help from my friends,
Oh I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends

Do you need anybody?
I need someone to love.
Could it be anybody?
I want somebody to love
Oh... 
I get by with a little help from my friends,
I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends
I get high with a little help from my friends
Yes I get by with a little help from my friends,
with a little help from my friends

A break down

I don't know why I became so sensitive to my past childhood whenever I remember a day or an occasion about my childhood I just go into tears. Maybe because I had a nice pleasant one that I just ruined it up side down by taking a lot of  bad  decisions and making up my mind in a wrong turns for the past ten years at least. I need to stop these decisions and turns and fix my self I need to feel happy and the joy of life like I used to be when I was a child. Could this happen ? or it will be just dreams and memories.

Bob Dylan mood

How many roads must a man walk down
Before you call him a man?
Yes, 'n' how many seas must a white dove sail
Before she sleeps in the sand?
Yes, 'n' how many times must the cannon balls fly
Before they're forever banned?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

How many times must a man look up
Before he can see the sky?
Yes, 'n' how many ears must one man have
Before he can hear people cry?
Yes, 'n' how many deaths will it take till he knows
That too many people have died?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

How many years can a mountain exist
Before it's washed to the sea?
Yes, 'n' how many years can some people exist
Before they're allowed to be free?
Yes, 'n' how many times can a man turn his head,
Pretending he just doesn't see?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

I was tagged

I was tagged by Emy and it's issue is to write 6 things i should have done before reaching 18

1- learned how to play any kind of musical instrument
2- made some critical decisions right from the first place
3-kept playing sports and stick to one that I was good in
4-Stopped living without an aim in my life like a hippie
5-keep friends since childhood and learn to be more sociable
6-to stop dreaming about miracles

well I should tag 6 more friends but I don't know who to tag so I wont tag anyone

One thing doesn't make a man

One thing doesn't make a man

I Just miss

Today being walking up early which is not something I usualy do and listening to pick of the pops was making my day I just remembered the sunday mornings in London .Walking up at 8 in the morning having a good breakfast having a good cup of coffee and then going out buying the newspapers. Then talking the bus number 13 to go to goldens green to go to greegs to get my special suasage rolls and my jam donuts and then taking back the bus number 82 to go to Regent park or s't james. sitting on the bench reading my newspapers and having a cup of tea with my suasage rolls and dounets and listening to the radio which is mostly to the BBC radio 2 and too it's sunday music shows and then going back home walking and passing by regent street and oxford street looking at the shops and the busy tourists buying things and diffrent people all in the same place. somtimes I just forget that I'm a tourist my self. Just by entering home I take out a pizza from the freezer and putting on it my extra cheese and some shrimps and tuna and puting it in the oven for a twenty mins at that while puting my dirty things in the washing machine and then having my lunch then I have my tea while solving the sudoko in all the newspapers i have and the extra ones in the evening newspapers by finishing them and drinking about two cups of tea and half a dozen of cigrettes and ofcourse listening to the radio and after thet I just go have a good shower then lay in the bed reading the rest of the newspaper and listening to the David Jacobs show then i just fall in sleep to face a new working day in the morning and saying goodbye to a week gone and a nice sunday.And today I just missed all this I missed every part of it .I miss the parks the smily faces of the people the kids playing and feeding the birds with their mothers. I miss watching the sunset from the window seeing all london turning from morning to a dark night. I just miss all that

good bye

Realizing that what was the last time I had fun or felt pleased and happy I just can't recall it that I began to feel that I have never had one. And looking for something good or something that is real in my life I found nothing. So being here or not doesn't really matte.
I decided to suicide since that there is nothing in my life and it is so empty maybe it is a bit late it is not a bit it is a lot late later than anything thing so i just going to say goodbye life there is must be a new life better in a way. I always cry in good byes but this time there wont be any tears anymore.

one old greek once said
Life is trouble. Only death is not. To be alive is to undo your belt and look for trouble. You've got everthing except one thing: madness! A man needs a little madness, or else he never dares cut the rope and be free.